The Easter Mess

Just before I put off my phone to sleep on Easter Monday, a good friend of mine calls me. I debate between two evils, pick or not pick the call, because I know him, he can only call at 10 pm when something is amiss. I decide to pick.

“How are you boss, how was your Easter” he starts

“I am cool and my Easter was very good, I visited my mum, how was yours and where have you been?”, I enquire.

“Mine was excellent, I was in the south coast, you know having Diana in Diani is a fantastic experience”, he fills me in and I agree.

“Now boss, I know you want to sleep. But I need some help. I have come back to the house and there is no gas, in fact, we are very low on shopping and I haven’t paid the bills. If you can spare Ksh30k I will really appreciate. And please don’t tell madam because I told her I was going to coast on a work assignment two days before Easter, then I had to extend because we couldn’t fix the computer on time,  which translated to staying there whole Easter weekend”.

My mind races and I remember he did the same thing over New Year. So I tell myself, we must have a candid discussion with my fellow man; shouldn’t I be his keeper?

To begin with, don’t fool yourself; your wife is not foolish. She already knows you are cheating on her, in fact she knew just the very first time you contemplated it. She decided to give you space, with the hope that you will change. You haven’t changed, three or four years since. Immediately you told her you were going to coast, she could put one to one and the coincidence between the approaching Easter and your travelling for work purposes was very telling. She knew you were up to something.

Your wife is the vengeant type and your absence created an opportunity for her. Depending on her relationship with your nanny, she could decide to leave your two kids with her at an extra dollar and proceed to have fun with a sponsor in town or if, as you have already done, made inroads into the nanny (tabia mbaya) she took the kids to her sister and got to party in town, either way you lost. This puts your marriage on a dangerous trajectory.

You failed to plan. For such major holidays, you can book as early as November the previous year and get very good rates, even half price for both air ticket and accommodation. Yet you waited to arrive at the airport and at the hotel and paid a premium for on the counter bookings. You claim your side chick gave you ultimatums, aren’t you man enough to say no? A bus to Coast would have reduced your expenses, but you are Jango and Luo men fly their chicks to whatever destination (Kiuk’s walk them there, right?). Your wife and kids have never flown anywhere. You had to borrow from office colleagues because your one month salary was already tied up repaying other debts, that’s why you are back and there is completely nothing in the house.

In Coast, because of your poor planning, most of your meals and drinks were on cash basis. Remember if you book early, you can do full board, drinks and entertainment inclusive at the subsidized prices. This meant you could not let your girl drink whatever she wanted, so you had to curtail yours and her enjoyment. You had little cash for souvenirs and she noticed. Of course she wouldn’t take it lying down, so she also withheld whatever benefits were to accrue to you. This is cold war. She silently resents your refusing her to take her favorite Amarula and advising her some cheap red wine, while she silently brings on her C game to piss you off. You both get bored and you both know what’s cutting but no one is courageous to voice it.

So you fly back, and at the airport, you want to board a city hopper, so you can save something. She resents and you have to Uber. By the time you are getting to your house, you are relieved big time. You survived a financial scare again. Had you just bought one extra lesso for her sister, or had you bought just one other coconut, you would have walked from town to your house in Kasarani.

Your wife is smiling as she welcomes you. She wants to know how coasto was, you are mixed up and your stories are incoherent. You are talking of the computer being in your Nyali branch and then you remember you had told her you were in South coast and you start mumbling about you guys planning an agency around there.  She realizes you are confused and decides to deal with important issues which include gas having been finished and water being disconnected by Nairobi Water. It is at this moment that you step outside the house to call your friend who lives a boring life, but always sorts you out.

Your mpango has arrived in her flat, which you pay for but have no idea how you will pay the rent this month. The first thing she does is call her other sponsor for safcom credit, tasting the waters to see if he is still ok with her. Of course he has to be cool with it, since she had already informed him that she had to grace their family get together in shags, he also had another ride. He buys credo, and for the next three to four weeks while you are recovering from the financial collapse, he will be the main boy, enjoying what was withheld from you.

This is a rat race, our grandfathers and fathers did this same thing and ended up being emotionally bruised, left this town broke and worse passed these same habits to us and we are happy propagating them in the name of manhood. Isn’t it time we ditched these? Is it worth your time, emotion and money?

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